I recently moved in with my friend Maggie. We both like making friends with strangers, and we hate olives. It’s the perfect friendship.
This is Maggie and me hanging out on toilets at a bar designed to look like a mobile home. Maggie’s the one showing her approval:
We’ve known each other for almost a year now. Over time, we’ve come to learn a lot about each other. Maggie is about to find out that I’ve learned too much about her. When you tell good friends your secrets, there is usually an understanding that the information will remain confidential because of trust, love, and blah blahblah, but here’s the deal: on Wednesday, Maggie left me to visit her family in New Hampshire. I feel neglected and abandoned, so I either want to her to confront me for revealing her secrets, forcing her to come back, or, if she chooses to stay there, I want her to at least have a miserable time without me. So while Maggie is out of town, I plan to reveal aaaaalll the roomie-nighttime-talk secrets she’s trusted me with. And there is nothing she can do about it. I’m in Dallas. She’s in New Hampshire without a car. So if she has an issue with this, that’s a long, 1700 mile huffy-walk back here. Even if she does decide to make the trip, we still have a bare minimum of 24 days to have some secret revealing fun! I’m excited! Let’s start with the juiciest: Maggie’s favorite hobby is writing romance novels and featuring herself on the cover.
She has written a lot of novels under a lot of different pen names. With so many options, it was hard to choose, but here are my top 5 favorites.
#1
Synopsis: When Maggie Goldberg was born, the evil witch, Geliliah, cast a spell leaving Maggie with a horrible choice. On the eve of her 18th birthday, Maggie will be forced to choose between a lifetime of eating any food her heart desires but without ever being allowed to experience the touch of a man. Or she can choose a lifetime of passionate love, but be forced to eat nothing but Matzah bread for the remainder of her life. Maggie had yet to experience lust or desire, so as young Maggie’s decision day approaches, she is sure she will choose the delights of tasty meals for the rest of her life. But, unexpectedly, at her birthday party the night before she turns 18, a stunning, strong man named Jorge-Leonardo catches her eye. As soon as their eyes meet, both know they must have each other. But Maggie’s decision is fast approaching. Will she choose between the comforting satisfactions from food she’s known her whole life, or will she adventure into her heart’s desires with Jorge-Leonardo, leaving behind all the tasteful treats she knows and loves so well?
#2
Synopsis: Years ago, Alberto’s father made a mistake that cost Margo’s father his life. The two families parted ways and vowed to never speak to each other again. Years later, fate brings Margo and Alberto together as the two meet on a walk along their favorite trail. Losing track of the time and the trail itself, the two spend a passionate night in the woods. When they return to the city and learn each other’s identities, they realize their paths were not meant to cross, despite their strongest desires. Margo must choose between love and loyalty to her family, while Alberto continues to pay for the mistake of his father. The two must learn to overcome the burdens of their families, while discovering more about the past…and each other.
#3
Synopsis: Summer is a beautiful mute from Kansas. Josiah is a rugged translator from California. When Summer decides to move from her small Kansas hometown to Los Angeles, she hires him to speak for her in order to help her adjust to the big city. She quickly discovers that he speaks for her better than she ever could for herself, revealing the deepest layers of her heart. Meanwhile, Josiah finds himself quickly falling for Summer. His job forbids him from having a relationship with a client, but soon Josiah must decide if their love speaks louder than words.
#4
Synopsis: Once fiery lovers, Luther and Margot find themselves getting older and drifting apart. As the threat of their relationship coming to an end looms, an act of magic causes them to switch bodies…but not heads! Now in addition to their emotional flaws, they must face each others physical flaws closer than ever. If Margo and Luther are to make it, they must learn to accept what makes each other imperfect and remember what brought them together in the first place, all while rediscovering their own, and each other’s, bodies in a whole new light.
#5
Synopsis: Growing tired of city life, Leroy escaped to an inn nestled inside the Smoky Mountains for the weekend one Winter’s night. Although he planned to spend time alone, he immediately changed his mind when he set sights on the gorgeously delicate innkeeper, Cassandra. Determined to get to know her better, he asks her for a tour of the mountain range. Cassandra, infatuated with the handsome stranger, agrees. But when nightfall approaches, the two get lost together in the Tennessee woods, and that’s when Leroy finally gets to discover mountain ranges more intimately than he ever imagined. But when they return to the inn, Cassandra’s ex-lover, Dominic, is waiting for her, determined to get her back. Cassandra is forced to explore her own heart’s desires as she chooses between loves, new and old, while Dominic and Leroy desperately wait for their chance to go exploring through her the mountains once again.
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Those are my choices! What about you? Have you read any of Maggie’s novels? Which ones do you love that I didn’t put on the list? Let me know in the comments!
And remember, Maggie, you have the power to put this to an end. All you have to do is come back home and stop me yourself. Everyone else, you can find these books on the clearance shelf of your local bookstore or being used as a hobo’s pillow. Enjoy.
A Spoonful of Bacon 